From the Ski for Light Bulletin - Spring 2012
by Dave Wilkinson
Editor's Note: We all know that a week at Ski for Light can be intense, even cathartic. But when I received the article you'll read next in my email Inbox just a few days after Ski for Light 2012 from hard-driving skier Dave Wilkinson, I was thrilled an impressed by his openness as well as by the clarity with which he expressed the experience. Whether you're a VIP, a MIP, a GIP or simply a fan of the human species, I'm sure you'll feel much the same as I did on reading this. - P.S.
I came back to Ski for Light International after an 8-year absence from both the organization and the sport. I left the event feeling reborn!
As a blind person, my immediate world consists of what I can touch, with ancillary information provided through hearing, taste and smell plus a few confusing blobs thrown in for good measure. But the senses outside of touch aren't precise. For instance, I might know there's a pitcher of water on the table because I hear ice clink in a glass as water is poured. But to find that pitcher I will have to extend my hand out into space and grope.
I run marathons and other races and have a Saturday morning running group. I'm attached to my guide by a 20-inch tether and am guided by spoken directions and by tugs on the rope. I know there's a curve in the road because I'm told and because I'm guided by a push or a pull. The blobs come in again as I look for what I think the landscape will be, but my minuscule amount of vision is based almost entirely on context so that a driveway can appear remarkably like an intersection, and cracks in the pavement look like steps.
All that being said, I have no complaints. I have a great wife, an awesome son and a good job. I have the good fortune to be a decent athlete. I have a happy successful life. But I ALWAYS want more! This has nothing to do with vision, it's just my nature.
So SFL 2012 had some surprises in store for me. I roomed by myself, and that proved to be a lucky thing. At various times during the week I would come back to my room and cry for no apparent reason. I would sit at my desk and wait for the moment to pass and the feelings to subside. Then it would be time for dinner or something else and off I'd go. But just what the hell was going on! Sudden teary outbursts just aren't my thing.
Reasons presented themselves, but nothing seemed to fit. I was tired--sure. I was frustrated by exercises designed to improve my technique - true. I was overwhelmed-- whatever.
Cross country skiing has always had an incredible hold on me, but I've never understood why. The first time I skied I took to the snow as if I'd been there all my life. That's what I expected to happen, so I missed the magic of what was really going on. I was looking beyond to see what was next.
I've always given lip service to the sense of freedom provided by this sport. But during Ski for Light 2012 I learned that those words have some serious punch behind them. I had awesome guides who provided me with an overview of the landscape and who helped me with my technique, but ultimately I was in control. I finally GOT it - not physically, but emotionally! My world REALLY WAS what I could touch. I could FEEL my surroundings through the tracks in the snow. And when the tracks were washed out, my body adjusted to the contours of the countryside. My body was able to use all its pores to grab information and make instant decisions. My world was still what was within arm's length, but what I could touch was going by at breakneck speeds and thus expanding my horizons every second. I love speed and I'm too competitive for my own good. If I do something, I do it to win! Competition makes me who I am and has helped me in many physically and psychologically bruising battles throughout my life. But focusing on the immediate battle can lead to - well, a myopic view.
Yes I won an age group award in my age group, and for that I am grateful. But that's not the award that means the most for me this week. I FINALLY understand the nature of the grip skiing has on my soul. It's all about Freedom! It's all about being in immediate control of my own destiny. It's about discovering that Ethereal MORE! I ALWAYS want more and this past week I got it, and that's what the tears were all about.
Thank you SFL!